*One more thing...

Even if this post finds nothing but the void, then at least I said it. No algorithm, no advertisement, no leading you on.

Just me. I’ve said what I said. If I change my mind. Then I changed it.

Regardless, it’s going to be authentic. I can’t help it anymore. Tactful, yes, humble, sometimes not, sometimes learning, sometimes not authentically.

Learning how to speak my mind.

Sometimes I say the quiet part out loud.

I should clarify something.

Speaking one’s mind does not necessarily mean speaking one’s truth. We often confuse the two. I get it wrong all the time.

In fact, I might have it all wrong, and don’t have a clue.

Doesn’t matter.

I am who I am.

I have a purpose for something.

My free-will lets me trip along the way, but eventually I’m going to end up no further than the stones that found my feet in the first place.

That said, I wouldn’t be here and conscious of it, if it wasn’t to be given the opportunity to learn how to and then do something along the way.

The first thing that we all did was realize that we needed help quickly to do that. To survive, and then to understand the living part.

Someone responded, pay it forward.

That’s called recognizing when someone needs help other than me, then deciding what to do about it based on what I now see and understand. Sadly, sometimes based on how I feel positively or negatively about doing that too.

I’m weak and selfish sometimes. I’ll own it. If that’s scary, well, that’s a problem.

I want what I want. Not always what’s good for me.

I cant help it enough. Its my nature, my detriment, my practice, and my mantle. It is also my disdain.

My sin. My calling. My love, My imperfection.

Its my life’s juxtaposition.

Regardless of human propose and personal belief, I believe that we are created to have joy within our imperfection. I believe that we were created to be redeemed. Redemption brings joy. It cant help it. Abandoning the expressions of the past, and seeing the learning experiences for what they were.

I know what brings me joy, that’s focusing on the things that I’m passionate about. It’s in finding those speechless moments when the only thing that you can do is laugh at yourself, and then try again because you know you will do it better the next time.

I pour myself into the passions that I have. That’s a strange thing to say when I read it back to myself, but its actually very Bruce Lee. Become the kettle, become the cup, become the mouth. “Be like water”- Sometimes salt is involved.

Live accordingly. Be the drummer, Be the photographer, be the writer. Be the reader. Speak truth. Cook with it.

These passions inspire me. I’m starting to see the people around me who truly inspire that life and growth in me. I haven’t been good at identifying that before.

That’s growth and self respect.

I realized something about myself and finding life this weakness,

Creating art and learning to create it is a cyclical thing. Its the internal gaslighting that all artists go through in order to create the things that we create. To produce something from within ourselves.

Same thing applies to the life of something. Either you lift something up, or you put it down.

Art is never finished, it’s only abandoned. Yes, but that’s the wrong way to look at it.

The artist just moved on to the next. They couldn’t help it, the last one taught them the lesson that they needed to know. It is now expression. That’s called practice. Only later does it become. Art.

That’s when no one wants to touch it anymore, Not even the artist.

That’s usually why we stop and take a picture of the food before we turn it into life giving waste.

Life is practice. Life is expression. Life is art. Tripping over one’s self is the best part. It’s where the truth is.

Time to move on. brush off the dust. Laugh, time to be like water again.

I have joy, truly. I’m still. well, not all the time.

-Nathan.

I just realized why I don’t have a photograph for this thought.

I haven’t captured it yet. That doesn’t mean I don’t want it or didn’t want it either.

I’m in touch with my feelings, I express them all the time. I’ll know it when I see it.

The photograph I mean. I think. Trust the process.

I’m grateful for that.